My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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