my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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