On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
