He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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