Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
