So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
