Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
