He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
