you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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