he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
