Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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