but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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