Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
