life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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