Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize