I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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