im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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