I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
