hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
