so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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