Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
