It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
