Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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