my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
