I think i sorta joined a cult last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
