You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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