Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize