Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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