I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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