i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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