Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize