he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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