don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
