You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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