Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
