I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
