dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
