U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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