You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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