The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
