sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
