You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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