Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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