I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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