Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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