Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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