I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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