What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
