would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
