Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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