if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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