Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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