morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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