I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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