I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
