mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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