So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
