How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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