My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
