my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
