My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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