i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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