all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
