so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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