I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
