This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
