My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
