I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
