the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
