All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
