I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You made out with two different species that night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
