i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
