He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Someone shit on the floor
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
