he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
