I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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