I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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