Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
