I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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