did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
